Settling into a routine, of sorts
Mar. 31st, 2024 04:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elizillaSince my dad won’t keep my mom in the residential care that she clearly needs, and won’t hire home help, I told him we need to create a better routine. So, they come to our house on Monday, and leave Wednesday before dinner, because it’s bike night on Wednesday and we want to be free for that. On Tuesday from 9:30 to 2, my mom attends an adult day program in Chelsea. We take her there, and my dad picks her up. We have dinner with them and play Rummikub afterwards, on Monday and Tuesday evenings. On Thursday from 11am to 4pm, my mom attends an adult day program in Kalamazoo. My dad drops her off and picks her up. On Thursday afternoons we drive out to their house and do damage control for a couple hours while my parents are absent, then have dinner with them there. My dad has to cope on his own, on Friday through Sunday. I can’t say he copes well, but it’s his choice to suffer.
It took a few weeks to get this routine smoothed out, but it has run reasonably smoothly for the last few weeks. And we seem to be making some progress against the squalor at their house. We have done a huge amount of laundry. So when my mom inevitably intermingles her clean and dirty clothes, then dresses in random things, they are mostly clean. I put out one complete set of clean clothes in the casita before they arrive, and hope she wears some or all of it. Then while she is at the Tuesday program I go through her suitcase and wash and replace things as needed, and set out another outfit, so she will hopefully wear clean clothes on Wednesday. I can rarely persuade her to bathe, but getting her into clean clothes helps.
Thursday before last, while vacuuming, we found her diamond engagement ring that had been missing for a couple of years and given up for lost. The wedding ring and the engagement ring are stuck together so this is both of them. She has been wearing a pieces of wire as a place holder. It turns her skin green. Anyways, I had the local jeweler measure the diamond ring, then put it in a safe deposit box at the bank. With it out of reach at the bank, I can tell her it is found, without her taking it and hiding it again. She will be thrilled to know it was found, at least, until she forgets. And since I now know the size, I have ordered some inexpensive plain wedding bands to fit her. I will give her one to replace that piece of wire. And give her another when she loses the first one.
She has been falling. She is bad at sitting in chairs. She turns around and sits on the air next to the chair, and tumbles to the floor. The chair goes flying. So far she hasn’t gotten hurt, herself, but it is super hard to get her up, and once she broke a window by knocking the chair into it. And she won’t STAY in her chair. Every two minutes she is standing up to do something stupid, like carry a candy wrapper to the trash can, then go back to unwrap another piece of candy. My heart is in my throat every time! So I have bought different chairs for the casita. They have arms, rounded edges, and are light weight. The arms guide her to sit on the seat, and give her something to steady her when she stands up. And if she knocks a chair over, it is less likely to hurt her. Or break a window. As a bonus, these chairs are comfortable, so my dad doesn’t object to them.
Every Thursday we are confiscating a few more things. Because their life will be easier with less clutter. This week we took an entire garbage bag full of mismatched socks. Now they have laundry baskets they can put stuff in! Today I sorted socks. I found fourteen matched pairs in decent condition, and pitched most of the rest. I would have pitched all the rest except I am sure there is still another garbage bag of socks over there to collect.
Next I want to start confiscating clothes my mom shouldn’t wear. Like, pants that don’t stay up, jackets with broken zippers, shoes with holes in them, etc. When it finally warms up I want to put all her winter things away, and then in the fall give back only the good things.
It took a few weeks to get this routine smoothed out, but it has run reasonably smoothly for the last few weeks. And we seem to be making some progress against the squalor at their house. We have done a huge amount of laundry. So when my mom inevitably intermingles her clean and dirty clothes, then dresses in random things, they are mostly clean. I put out one complete set of clean clothes in the casita before they arrive, and hope she wears some or all of it. Then while she is at the Tuesday program I go through her suitcase and wash and replace things as needed, and set out another outfit, so she will hopefully wear clean clothes on Wednesday. I can rarely persuade her to bathe, but getting her into clean clothes helps.
Thursday before last, while vacuuming, we found her diamond engagement ring that had been missing for a couple of years and given up for lost. The wedding ring and the engagement ring are stuck together so this is both of them. She has been wearing a pieces of wire as a place holder. It turns her skin green. Anyways, I had the local jeweler measure the diamond ring, then put it in a safe deposit box at the bank. With it out of reach at the bank, I can tell her it is found, without her taking it and hiding it again. She will be thrilled to know it was found, at least, until she forgets. And since I now know the size, I have ordered some inexpensive plain wedding bands to fit her. I will give her one to replace that piece of wire. And give her another when she loses the first one.
She has been falling. She is bad at sitting in chairs. She turns around and sits on the air next to the chair, and tumbles to the floor. The chair goes flying. So far she hasn’t gotten hurt, herself, but it is super hard to get her up, and once she broke a window by knocking the chair into it. And she won’t STAY in her chair. Every two minutes she is standing up to do something stupid, like carry a candy wrapper to the trash can, then go back to unwrap another piece of candy. My heart is in my throat every time! So I have bought different chairs for the casita. They have arms, rounded edges, and are light weight. The arms guide her to sit on the seat, and give her something to steady her when she stands up. And if she knocks a chair over, it is less likely to hurt her. Or break a window. As a bonus, these chairs are comfortable, so my dad doesn’t object to them.
Every Thursday we are confiscating a few more things. Because their life will be easier with less clutter. This week we took an entire garbage bag full of mismatched socks. Now they have laundry baskets they can put stuff in! Today I sorted socks. I found fourteen matched pairs in decent condition, and pitched most of the rest. I would have pitched all the rest except I am sure there is still another garbage bag of socks over there to collect.
Next I want to start confiscating clothes my mom shouldn’t wear. Like, pants that don’t stay up, jackets with broken zippers, shoes with holes in them, etc. When it finally warms up I want to put all her winter things away, and then in the fall give back only the good things.
